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the aristocrat
[ about Him ]
* name gary
* age 18
* dob 21sept1987
* dateofdeath soon
Bitched on the Tuesday, August 08, 2006.
Change.. what is change anyway? i seriously don't know.. well, it could be just letters combined together to form a word, it could mean anything i guess. for all you know unchanged could have the same meaning as change. well, one thing's for sure, it sure aint easy to change.. and stop lil bad habits that cling on you.. I have tons of things i wanna unchange or should i say change bout myself.. and i know its gonna be really difficult to do so, but when i say im going to change.. i will change.. i dont say one thing, while i do another. I personally got this bad habit of insulting people, which i know very well of. and im trying my best to change it and stop it from happening, another bad habit is putting people down, i know, cos of this tons of people hate me. but do you think i care? well duh. obviously i do, thats why i wanna change. well, there are so many more bad habits that i have... i know i might not be able to change them all in one life time.. but at least im trying. Why can't people just stick to their words? when they say change. why dont they wanna even try changing.. well, this i dont know, for sure. because its all up to their own will. If you say you wanna change, but u still end up doing the same thing, it means the thought of changing is not there. seriously, i wanna help, but i cant.. if the will to change aint there.. well, why am i saying all these? i dont know. i dont even know what lies up ahead for me.. NS? Poly? ITE? death, hopefully, the sooner the better. i dont wanna be stranded in this complicated world no more.. i wonder how people actually keep themselves so optimistic. Everytime, when i am optimistic about something, the world just comes crashing down on me. and now im pessimistic again. Do people actually think of consequences? i highly doubt so. and whats with this change of fonts? i dont know.. well.. Why dont people every think of the future? cos the world is gonna end soon? cos they know there aint gonna be a future for them? there are just so many questions i wanna ask the world.. but i just dont know how to.. questions like.. which is the one true god? which came first? the egg or the chicken? Why is life so unfair? Why must we lead a complicated life? WHY? can anyone please enlighten me... i seriously dont know how to go on with life.. with this thinkin that, everytime i get confident and do something i'd never thought i'd do, it simply screws up, and i get hurt, i get afraid, i lose confidence, i lose myself, i lose everything..... Why do i have Death as a goal in life? i actually cant wait to get off this earth... well, not literally.. When i was young, the road to a successful and happy life was so clear and so prominent, i could see everything right ahead of me, i thought it was going to be easy, but as i grew older, i noticed it was all just a delusion. i was tricked, lied to and cheated by life... the truth is.. the road to a successful and happy life was full of traps, obstacles, and deceit. I was walkin blindly into a hell hole. and i still am. Even though i notice all these things that are going to go wrong for me, i cant do anything about it.. its just my personality. and i hate it..
I once gave this advice to someone.. i dont know Where the hell it came from... but it did help her... i dont know how either.. well here goes.. Life's more of a jigsaw puzzle, than a precious fragile item.. once it falls to the ground, it comes apart.. but we are still able to put it back together, and it still looks totally new and fine ,unlike a precious fragile item, where we need to throw it away once it breaks... so everytime u stumble across some problems, pick yourself up and get it back together again.. u dont have to throw life away just because of one mistake in your life.. i hope you understand..
