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Bitched on the Thursday, April 28, 2005.

a nice song. haha. sounds so much like the person i used to be.

just few days back. =p

.Screaming Infidelities..

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
& this bottle of beast is taking me home.
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone & you're not discreet.
You make sure I know, who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again.
There is not a word that I comprehend,
except when you signed it
"I will love you always & forever"

As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder,
how you're making out,
but as for me I wish that I was anywhere
with anyone making out

I'm missing your laugh, how did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as your pretending.
I'm missing you bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to sleep.
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.

Your hair.
It's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities.
Taking it's wear.

- gary went ~~psycho~~7:23 PM

Bitched on the Monday, April 25, 2005.

woot! i've found a new nick!. and it is...
*drum rolls*
schizophrenia
Tada! and there it is! waahahhaha . the meaning please.
Main Entry: schizo·phre·nia
Pronunciation: "skit-s&-'frE-nE-&
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin
1 : a psychotic disorder characterized by loss of contact with the environment, by noticeable deterioration in the level of functioning in everyday life, and by disintegration of personality expressed as disorder of feeling, thought (as in hallucinations and delusions), and conduct -- called also dementia praecox
2 : contradictory or antagonistic qualities or attitudes
- schizo·phren·ic /-'fre-nik/ adjective or noun
- schizo·phren·i·cal·ly /-ni-k(&-)lE/ adverb

found at. http://http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=schizophrenia&x=7&y=16">http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=schizophrenia&x=7&y=16
WOOO! thanks to Maxine! hahahahah. =D

- gary went ~~psycho~~10:36 PM

ooo. my left ear's insides are bleeding. eew... haha. wonder whats gonna happen. deafness? Death! =D hahaha i wished. haha. my left arm gettin more and more holes. hahah yikes.

- gary went ~~psycho~~10:11 PM

shoutmix is finally back up! woo! lols. that im glad about.. but sigh. im still feeling miserable. hahah dispite the entry i posted yesterday. how pathetic of me. bah.
school was boring.
as usual.
the whole morning was in air conditioned rooms. haha =D~~ 1stly was english~ went into the library's Media resource room. lols. woahh~ my chinese teacher was outside teaching her class.. then after that woah... her class came in~ =D lols. too bad. then after that when we were bout to go back to class. my chinese teacher came to me.. and said i feel like scolding you. but i dont got the heart to. hmm.. i was pondering the whole freakin morning what she was talkin bout.. and i finally get what she means now.. shes talkin bout the chinese remedial with some teacher i threatened few years back.. =\ bah. great. tml got chinese. prolly gonna get the black face frm her.. =\ lols. sad. hmm. anyways. after that was chem. went to the comp lab. to do some worksheet. but as usual. no 1 did. xcept me! and my frens. haha =x but got a few blanks la. (my afew = 7-8) =x lmao. after that. it was a boring day all the way. haha. luckly the day passed by real quick. =D lol. and great. here i am again. bore-ing my ass off on the computer.
what a miserable and pathetic life im leading. i'm the most pathetic no life u'll ever be able to find.

- gary went ~~psycho~~4:55 PM

Bitched on the Sunday, April 24, 2005.

sigh. i was feelin damn miserable on the way home in the mrt. thinkin bout all the past..it was damn miserable and hard for me. i didnt know how i could even live on. she left me. in this deep hole. where i thought i couldnt climb out of. sigh..
but when i was in the bus. i started to wake up.. cos i know that. there isnt a possiblity that we'd be back together. cos even if we could.. i doubt we'll be happy
shes the type that likes to go pubbing and clubbing. but im the type that dont like girls to go such places.. then.. i mean shes the type that needs attention. but i cant give her much attention. cos of sch..
therefore. i thought and thought it over again.. and i finally realised that we cant be together.. cos if i want her to be happy. i cant be with her.

- gary went ~~psycho~~8:00 PM

Bitched on the Saturday, April 23, 2005.

this is what my mum said..
life is full of unhappiness. happiness is in your own hands. there are many bumpy roads but once you cross the bumpy roads. its happiness from then on.
then she touched my head and said. Go wash your hair la.. wa piang~ i just washed it yesterday. anyways i havent bath today. =x

- gary went ~~psycho~~1:47 PM

i really want to and need suicide right at this moment. but thinkin bout whats gonna happen to my family and friends really kills the thought of it. im leading a worthless life. with nothing ahead of me. im prolly gonna be some roadside sweeper or some school janitor. i dont mean that its a bad job. i just mean. i aint gonna have a future. i'll prolly rot my life away. so why not end it now. im really sorry if it really does happen. but i doubt so.

- gary went ~~psycho~~1:22 PM

back then. i was never sad. now i am never happy. plain and simple. short and sweet.

- gary went ~~psycho~~12:50 AM

why must i do this. why must i keep hiding things. and not saying em out. but instead postin em here. sigh. i really dont know how to say this.. i've never stopped thinkin of you before. i dont know why. i dont ever dared to say it to you. i dont know why. sigh. life sucks. why.. why me.. why is it always me. my life totally sucks. im a complete failure. total reject from life. im a no life person man. whats with me acting all confident and stuff when im not. sigh. why. WHY ME. its so fuckin unfair. somepeople just get anything and everything they want. but look at me. i never get anything i want. this is just so FUCKED up. bleah. life fuckin sucks. no doubt bout it.

- gary went ~~psycho~~12:41 AM

please. ignore me. its for your own good. if u have already done it. kudos to you.

- gary went ~~psycho~~12:35 AM

i'm feeling so numb now. i bet if someone takes something and hit me. i'll not feel anything.
i dont wanna cry. i dont wanna smile. i dont wanna frown. im just having a moodless face. i dont know what to feel. should i be sad? should i be happy? should i be angry? bleah. i guess this is the only way i can express myself. with people reading it. i know its dumb. why cant i just talk to someone. i dont know either. im now having vision lag. i dont know why.

- gary went ~~psycho~~12:02 AM

Bitched on the Friday, April 22, 2005.

.. im totally lost now.. lost lost.. why must i lie.. all these lies are killing me slowly and softly on the inside.. sigh..

- gary went ~~psycho~~11:51 PM

Bitched on the Thursday, April 21, 2005.

sigh.. by coming back like that.. u're making me want you back again.. why... sigh..

- gary went ~~psycho~~7:56 PM

great... great.. simply great. she has just msged me. and added me to her msn.. wow great.. just when i thought i could let it all go. it all comes back to me again.. i really dont know... why.. why must this happen to me.. why must i be so weak.... sigh..
great. i cant even cry if i want to. dad's friends are in my study room playing mahjong. bleah

- gary went ~~psycho~~5:11 PM

Bitched on the Wednesday, April 20, 2005.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... fuckin shit. my friend told me that she MAY be attached already. NOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....
sigh...... it feels like few million knives stabbin into me.

- gary went ~~psycho~~3:56 PM

Bitched on the Tuesday, April 19, 2005.

bah. its been hella long since i blogged proper. =D haha. so i guess HERE I AM!. missed me blog? =x hahaha. bah.
School.
School was boring AS usual. bleah. my class totally sucks. my god. dumb buncha kids. keep throwin papers balls around. people. people. people. GET A FUCKIN LIFE? if u all really like throwing rubbish around so much. Go be some rubbish collector for all i fuckin care. asswipes. then u can keep throwing till yer arms break off for all i fuckin care again. =X. too bad. im such a saddistic person. bleah. so freakin boring. cant even study in peace... hmm. me wanting to study? Lmao. thats prolly the biggest joke of the year. but hey! its true okay!. i wanna go up to sec 5. and go to a POLY! i dont care. gotta strive! if i do make it to sec 5. ima not go out so freakin often. not come online so often... hmm maybe still coming online. but instead of rottin. i'd be studying! HAH!. lols. guess if i do fail. im gonna get kicked into NS. how sad. sad but true. i really want and need to make it. no matter what. actions speaks louder than words. so ima listen in class! hah! =D hmm.bored.. theres 1 good news and 1 bad 1... i aint gonna have a midyear exams. but. during that period, people get to go home early. ima have to freakin stay in school for normal school time. INCLUSIVE OF REMEDIAL. who cares. in order to pass. i need em!. haha.
Home.
bah. so freakin boring. my god my god. i'm like rottin my teenage life away. My current life is like. Music. and computer. and daydreaming... of... =x hah!. bleah. met these buncha fun people frm irc. haha. we kinda created a channel #Ahhh for the anti Despos. hahah =X my god. we're so bored. IM SO BORED. bahhhhhhh.
LIFE.
bah. i really do wonder whats my future gonna be like. is it riding in a nissan skyline. or is it riding the toilet bowl tryin to clean it. god. i dont want my life to go into a dump just like this. life aint just bout words. its bout the doing. the harder you work for it. the better u'll get in life. but with sucha Lazy mentality that i have. im always waiting for things and people to come to me. I gotta go out and reach for em. just like i gotta reach for her!. =x haha. anyways. Love. aint bout havin the same interest and stuff people. its bout hmm. feelings. lols.a couple can have Everything and anything under the sun in common for example. but it doesnt mean it will work out. people. i aint discouragin relationships based on interest. lols. im just sayin by expierence. haha =x aiya. i guess im ending off here. aint got anything to say no more. later all rubbish. =D

- gary went ~~psycho~~6:27 PM

Bitched on the Thursday, April 14, 2005.

Omg omg omg. OMG OMG OMG she she she she !! ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! *runs around! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

- gary went ~~psycho~~8:27 PM

Bitched on the Tuesday, April 12, 2005.

wah. recently i've been to irc. Lmao. i just typed out the lyrics of a song by good charlotte called the day that i die. it goes like. one day i woke up. i woke up knowing today's the day i will die~ blah blah. you know the happiest day of my life, i swear the happiest day of my life is the day that i die. he straight away msged me and kept pestering me to tell him whats wrong. lols but i kept sayin no thanks. then ended up he sent 1 last msg. goin like this...
[22:18] well i will just leave u with this if its a problem just want u to know that god made everything happen for a reason if its a personal problem just want u to know that no matter how bad or ugly any1 is,even though he may be looked down upon, everyone is made perfect( a masterpiece) in god's eyes
[22:19] thats the most i can do thanks anyway for keepiing up with my questions
[22:19] take care and god bless
lols. didnt know irc actually had such great people.

- gary went ~~psycho~~10:19 PM

if she ever comes into my life.
i'd treasure her.
i'd protect her.
i'd cherish her.
i'd love her like i never did before,
i'd hug her so tight she'd never want me to let go.
i'd give her everything i can.
i'd trust her.

haha.but thats all IF... so remember. IF

- gary went ~~psycho~~10:17 PM

finally found the song! sounds so much like what happened to me. haha

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave

I wont up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole left life came crashin

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

So lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to come home, so stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll

Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely

- gary went ~~psycho~~9:44 PM

Bitched on the Monday, April 11, 2005.

WTF. god. my sis is wasting like nearly 2 gb of comp space on her fuggin lame videos which are infested with viruses. my god. what THE. ARGH. damn pissed off. im gonna delete off some shit. i dont care. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- gary went ~~psycho~~3:38 PM

Bitched on the Sunday, April 10, 2005.

WOoT! my mum's cookin prawn mee tonight!! prawn mee at its best! lols. so much better then the prawn mee at beach road i used to always eat. haha. too bad. =D too bad i aint gonna be home sad. lols

- gary went ~~psycho~~5:03 PM

Any one wants to go shopping?!? im so BORED.........

but.. shopping with no money... thats the prob.. =x

- gary went ~~psycho~~10:37 AM

Bitched on the Thursday, April 07, 2005.

oh my. here goes.
im gonna have to speak better english
im gonna have to cut down on my vulgarities
im gonna have to be able to let go of my games
im gonna have to be able to control my temper
im gonna have to be able to study hard!
erm. thats all!
just to get in the intrest of.....

- gary went ~~psycho~~9:00 PM

Bitched on the Tuesday, April 05, 2005.

this is the 2nd time im here.. to prove how happy i am. i am actually willing to waste so much time and effort.
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- gary went ~~psycho~~11:11 PM

My GOD! im so freaking HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY lols so freakin Colorful huh. hahaa. anyways. went to dunman sec. for some D&T road show. woot. nice artifects.~ really intresting. they even had my Salt and Pepper shaker i was gonna make! only in a different design. lols X= woot. im glad im glad. im so GLAD i went! lols. ok the 1st part of it was boring.. till we came to this place called the design nexus thingy. woot. cool place.. =X hahah . okok. let u all guess the rest of the story. its bedtime. my mummy's prolly commin in and nag soon. so i'd better stop b4 she comes. kays.

//ending off here.
Cherios!
Tudos!
Adios!

- gary went ~~psycho~~10:59 PM

Bitched on the Saturday, April 02, 2005.

here i am again...
thinkin of here again..
god knows why...
here i am...
lying on my bed.. hitting myself...
crying...

- gary went ~~psycho~~10:43 PM